SO I don’t know how to solve every problem…. Is that REALLY shameful? Stigma behind mental health issues.

“Oh just snap out of it.”

“Just think positive”…timing HAS to be perfect if you are going to suggest this one its risky but effective this is the best way to deal.

“Counseling is waste of money just stop being negative and spend more time out having fun.”

“Quit being overly emotional / crazy/ sensitive/ dramatic”

This is about when my temper starts to flare.

We don’t choose to be this way. It interferes with our lives hence the reason we seek help.

Perhaps one thing should be taken into consideration when this sort of thing is being discussed or even just mentioned. If someone is revealing to you that they aren’t well and they are seeking for a professional to talk to or vent to, you very well could be someone they trust and know they can confide in to reveal such deeply personal decisions and feelings. This is just about the hardest part of recovery in my opinion. Reaching out and exposing yourself to possible criticism, scrutiny, alienation, trivialization, and even ridicule was most definitely the most terrifying thing to me when I first came out with the truth. Put yourself in our shoes for a moment…

All the positive thoughts in the world cannot heal a chemical imbalance. They however can make life more manageable.

Picture yourself stuck under a huge rock. You don’t know how you got there because you chose to block out those memories. You can’t function like everyone else you can barely breathe. You’re stuck. You realize there is absolutely no way you extricate yourself without calling out for help. Finally your most beloved loved one comes to see whats happening. You reach out and they say “oh it’s not that bad quit being dramatic.”

What’s a molehill to you could look like a mountain to me. Does that make me ridiculous? Not really. It just means we see and value things differently. If you care for someone and watch them suffer for something… anything. It shouldn’t matter what your personal view on that particular thing is. That isn’t going to help. This is your golden opportunity to be of service to someone you love and trust by listening and allowing us to be who we are. Spread love not criticism.perspective matters

For the fear of REJECTION

Rejection. Can drive one to bend over backwards and act as if that’s what you do for all. It can even drive a mother to emotionally wound her own child. Fear in one can be contagious perhaps even hereditary. Tragic truth for me. I’ve been a terrible parent in the past. I had no clue what I was doing and I was so unbelievably self absorbed that I didn’t even take the time to consider learning a better way. Fortunately, that phase in my life is in the past although truthfully it does reappear every now and then. Certain situations tend to trigger me and make me go in atomic defense mode. Pride will slowly but surely eat away at those relationships dearest to you it most certainly has for me. I’ve lost many relationships(romantic, professional, familiar, friendship, you name it) to my stubborn desire to appear as if I don’t care or deliberately say mean elitist judgmental comments to make them feel small. I did it so much that I actually got to a point where I felt like I was emotionally bleeding to death.

Looked around

Burned bridges

Only to find I’ve burnt every bridge I’ve ever crossed. Luckily some of the bridges are built very well and survived my fires.

I love my family and friends. I don’t thank them enough.

Hi my name is what ever you want it to be and I’m an addict. 

I come from a long line of addiction. I’d have to say that addictions and poor mental health and/or arrogance are just about the only consistent things amongst my family. Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I know you’re thinking “this broad is blaming her family next!!! heard this before.” Bear with me while I attempt to elaborate on my point. 

I decided psychology is the answer. The holy grail of all of my issues. Being the obsession driven intellectual being I tend to be most of the time. My plan seemed flawless. I’d just love, live, breathe, dream, and just short of drown myself in psychology and all that I can find on that fascinating subject. Go to school and fix myself in the meantime.  Everyone wins right? Wrong. Help yourself first. 

This is where my family went wrong. We were always taught take care of family and friends especially children before you even consider thinking of helping yourself. Self care is made out to be self centered. Having emotions is made out to be wrong or even worse laughed at for being ridiculous. I discovered today. I am no narcissist. I am addicted to love and romance. And all those emotions that my family ridiculed me for were not a result of me attempting to get attention it was a result of my co dependence, extreme empathic feelings towards those I love, and just full on fucking rage and sorrow.