Good bye

I don’t do well with good bye. That fear of abandonment at my core tortures me. Pick up my phone and instinctually start writing a text to him then realizing I shouldn’t send it. The sadness that comes over me… So overbearing I can hardly see the screen through the tears. 

If he cared he would have text me by now. I refuse to reach out. It’s always my hand reaching out. Not this time. I know he’s going through things… If he wanted me in his life I would be. I have to keep telling myself not to contact him. No contact is fucking hard for me. I miss him dearly. I hope he’s thinking of me too. I hope he continues to do so for years as I’m sure he will hold a part of my heart for years to come. Letting go isn’t my forte. I need to learn.

2 thoughts on “Good bye

  1. Believe me, I know how you feel..and just reading what you wrote, filled me with a big of panic. I hate goodbyes too. I’m never the one to break off a relationship of any kind & always try to hold on to the person even when they WANT to leave. But I have learned to just let them leave. It still fills me with panic every time, but I get past it after awhile. I know you want to text him or call him. Don’t. It gives him too much power over you & he knows it. If he contacts you first, then that’s different, but don’t let him know how much this is kicking your ass. You are strong…we all are…we just have to keep reminding ourselves of that. Message me if you ever need to.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally know what you mean. I frequently felt like texting or calling my ex boyfriend for years after we broke up because I missed him. A couple of times I caved. One time I called and it went straight to voicemail, and I didn’t get a call back. Another time I texted him and he ignored it. This is what made me stop trying to contact him. It was more painful to receive no reply than it was to refrain from calling or texting. I am a sensitive type, too, so the breakup really hurt me. Slowly but surely, though, it gets easier. 🙂

    Like

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