My family try to drag me out of bed. Saying sunshine will be good for me. I suppose they’re right on some level but what good is it as I sit chain smoking .
I can’t pretend I’m ok right now because I’m not. I can’t pretend I want to be here because I really don’t want to be here. There comes a time (I’m sure) in most people’s lives when they are too sad or upset to do anything. Today is the worst of it tomorrow I return to trying to resume “life”. Today… I’m just exhausted in every way. I truly wish I can put on a smile and act like everything is peachy but I just don’t have the energy to try today. I’m grieving my loss today I’m getting this hurt out of me. I’m literally giving today the finger and saying fuck off leave me be today. And that is ok. Because I have a goal. I’m getting past this one way or another. Today is my cry day. Purging out as much of this pain as I can. I heard somewhere that with every cry you get closer to recovery. I hope that’s the case here. I don’t want to hurt anymore.