Borderline’s nightmare

imageTo love with every ounce of your being only  find it not reciprocated in the way you’ve always dreamed. Not sure if I ever stood a chance. Claims are I’ve had it and thrown it all away without knowing. A true possibility but doubtful because here I stand wondering where I stand. Lost in the lack of communication let alone translation (which clearly …is desperately needed).  Forced to suffer in complete silence just to keep the love I have so stubbornly insist on holding on to.  All this time invested! Pretend I have no questions about what’s happening . Pretend I know I’m loved and cared for when it is never said. Shown but never said. Say I care for you and I love you. You are important to me. I need it so….yet I can’t say or else I risk my love fleeing gone like a plastic bag out your speeding car window. So sudden scares the shit out of you. That scared feeling is what I feel all the time. No worries I’ll just pretend until I come to my senses. DBT will help me make sense of the bullshit. I’ll figure out the rest.

I am Borderline yet I’m walking on eggshells.  I think I’ve loved a sociopath before let me remember how lovely that was. Loving someone who cannot reciprocate.

I don’t believe in tarot but I had an interesting reading today. I’m waiting for you .

Let go and show your vulnerabilities that creates intimacy like no other… if i could only find my way. I’m better at grooming dogs. If only men weren’t so guarded. In touch with themselves that’s hot.

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