Shooting my own feet.

Is the best way to describe my state of being at this very moment. Listening to sia feeling sad and confused.. Wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I have support. A guy who loves me and my kids, best friend ex husband who supports me, family who loves me through it all, pharmaceuticals, therapy, group… What is it going to take to understand this shit?!

I can’t wait for Dbt I hate this. This is going to kill me Wednesday can’t come fast enough.

I haven’t mentioned this but being a therapist or some sort of counselor is my lifelong dream. I started young at the tender age of 8?(not sure exactly but more or less) I have memories of having long talks pretend therapy sessions with my favorite cousin (whom is now living my dream only he’s helping children which I can’t even begin to imagine… I admire him). We sat in his dad’s classic car for privacy and would talk for what I remember was forever and vent. He sparked my interest in psychology. If only I knew that in my early 20s when I decided to fuck off my financial aid.

I’ll get there someday. I don’t know how but for now focus on my own shit so I can help people get past  theirs someday.

 

2 thoughts on “Shooting my own feet.

  1. I hope you fulfil your lifelong dream of becoming a therapist. It is wonderful that you have a dream that involves helping others. I am a huge fan of therapy, it has totally changed my life. I started therapy with my current therapist with an emotional age of 2 constantly calling my ex-armed robber boyfriend “mummy.” Now after 6 years of re-parenting I am a fully fledged adult. Also I had such severe OCD that I couldn’t leave my house overnight for 5 years. I had EMDR therapy which, together with medication, reduced the OCD from over 10 hours a day to a couple of minutes. I went on my first trip abroad for over 6 years at the end of last year and largely through the EMDR have almost totally recovered from OCD.

    Liked by 1 person

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