My relationship with the early morn hours is an interesting one. You see I was once an active addict fueled by stimulants and crazed with the idea of this amazing ability that I’ve got to express myself through art. Now that I am in recovery. I can’t help but feel I’ve lost that part of myself. Although truthfully logically I know better. I know this ability is within me and perhaps I just need to find another way to bring it out. Fear stops me. All the what ifs kill me. What if it’s terrible? What if I hate it? What if I can’t anymore? What if that throws me over the edge? What if I obsess and forget my life outside again? What if what if what if.
I will be brave soon and face my fears. For now…. Force sleep. Can’t face shit if I can’t keep my eyes open to see what my goals are.