We wounded each other. Constantly. I see this now.
I had so much resentment in me I should have told you why.
I hate that I didn’t exist to your friends, family, and don’t get me started on social media. It hurt me when you wish others happy birthday, happy Valentine’s Day, or commented how hot they are and how it must be Latina in them. Or complimented them on their pure heart or hard work or awesomeness. Why couldn’t I have this from you? You say you were a doormat. I give you that. You were tolerant of my absurd behavior but why do you think I acted out? I acted out because these little things created a belief in me …. He doesn’t love me he’s ashamed of me . He isn’t proud of me. I don’t exist. True those are all just assumptions. I should have addressed them but every time I bring anything like that up you’d get angry and shut me out again. Not being able to talk to you honestly was really hard on me . I felt so alone. Which is ridiculous because you were with me. We should have went to counseling the way you said we would…. I guess you forgot . I’ll be here waiting for you to come to your senses. Rather than getting angry why not ask why. I left because you weren’t listening you were walking out the door. I came back because he wasn’t you. True he understands me on emotional level… But He isn’t you. That’s why I came back. I want you and only you. I made a huge mistake in not talking to you and losing my shit. But all I can say now is I’m sorry for hurting you and I’d like to do things better. We can grow together in therapy. You need this too. I can’t do this alone. I love you and I always will. I know you feel it too. Don’t throw it away. Life of regret is horrible I don’t want this for you