I’d give anything

To have had self control. To have gotten help the way I so desperately needed. To have had the sense to see that anger/frustration wasn’t the way to show him I needed him. To have told him what I was really going through inside. To have never reached out and opened old wounds for selfish desire to keep material possessions. To have seen and appreciated that I had all I ever wanted. To have listened to him when he tried to help me. 
I wish I was the woman he deserves. I wish I was the woman that I am now becoming. I wish he would give me the opportunity to show that I am capable of following through. All I need is to believe he cares still. Otherwise I’m afraid Grief will consume me all over again.  I can’t help it. I truly can’t . Borderline and the poor impulse control I’ve got took the love of my life from me and I have no one to blame but me I’m changing for the better. I wish he would see me.


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