Is what goes through my mind as I lay sobbing day after day. Longing for his touch for his scent for his comforting voice and peaceful presence. This is by far the most painful experience I’ve ever gone through by far. And now he has blocked all communication. All this says to me is that I don’t matter. I don’t understand how he could do this to me. What hurts the most is that I believed he loved me more than this. I messed up big time I admit it I take full responsibility but. Cutting me off is giving me the knife and saying don’t do anything stupid and walking away. If you care don’t walk away much less give me a knife . Life without him is so hard that I question every day whether I want to continue. The hope that he could come back is what I live for. But it’s painful to think that he may not. I want to make him happy and I know I can now. If he would just come home so that I can show him I am serious . I have never wanted anything so bad. He says I’m throwing pity party …. I suffer because it’s hard to wake up every day reminded of the mistake that you made. To think we could be happy right now if I had just followed through like I’m doing now. This misery is result of my mistakes this is hard to live with. I don’t pity myself at all. I hate myself.